Passing Thoughts

I was out digging in the yard and my mind started to wonder and with it being close to Christmas I found it wondering to places it had not been in a long time. My eldest son was born August 27, 1975 in Philadelphia PA. in a naval hospital, and whom we named Randal Chase, we called him Chase. I was of course a proud young father who also happened to be in the US Navy at the time. Three months after his birth I shipped out for what was to be a 6 month cruise I packed him and his mother up and sent them back home to live with my wife’s parents until I got back, well the 6 month cruise turned into an 18 month boat ride. Finally arriving back in the states I picked up my family and returned to Norfolk VA. where I was stationed until I served the rest of my time until discharged, which by this time Robin was pregnant with my next son. Who was born in October. Because of the separation that had occurred between me and Chase due to my naval obligations a bond that should have formed between us never really occurred as a father and son should. I never treated him differently from his brother there was just never a deep set closeness that existed and I never realized it.

The years passed and Robin blessed me with two more children a daughter and another son. It was the summer of 1989 and I was self employed and Chase was 11 years old and asked if he could ride with me while I worked and I told him it would be alright. As the weeks passed the relationship between us grew as he worked and rode with me from job to job. Time finally came for him to go back to school and we celebrated his 12th birthday as well. In September flu hit the house and all of the kids but Chase was sick so his Grandmother asked if he could spend the weekend with her and maybe avoid getting the bug as well, we said sure why not, so arrangements were made for her to pick him up from school that Friday afternoon. Friday morning he came into my bedroom asking for some money to by lunch with and being half asleep I told him I had some in my pants pocket to help himself. He got the money and said bye dad and I mumbled something back I don’t remember what as he headed out the door.

Saturday came and everyone in the house was fit and well the bug was gone and we had spent the day cleaning house and enjoying our selves as it was a warm and sunny September day. At around 5 that afternoon we were sitting at the table eating an early supper when the phone rang and my mother in-law blurted out screaming and crying that Chase was dead. I dropped the phone and fell to the floor with my mind reeling and trying to comprehend what it was I had just heard. Everything after that for a short while was a blur. Robin was instantly upset and asked what had happen and as I sat on the floor I could only answer in a low voice that my son was dead.

Over the next few days, weeks and admittedly to this very day many years later it haunts me that I did not tell my son that I loved him before he walked out of that room and my life forever. I do not let any of my children or grandchildren leave without making sure that I tell them that I love them in case it will be the last words I ever get say to them.

My daughter has blessed me with two Grandsons and a Granddaughter, her oldest son’s name is Brian Chase born with Cystic Fibrosis and was not expected to live past the age of seven. We were able to find a way to help him fight this disease and he is now ten years of age and doing well. Now only time will tell.

It’s not a guy thing to say I love you to your sons, but not saying it is something you don’t get to take back. But it is something I will practice until the day I die.

I wrote this on a forum that I am a member of about 2 years ago. Since then another event has occurred that was startling to say the least.

Last month Robin got a call that one of her close cousins named Sammi had hung himself and that the funeral was to be held at the grave site about 45 minutes from where we live so we made it a point to attend. He was about 3 years Robin's junior and he and his wife attended our son's funeral. There hasn't been much contact since and Robin has regretted that. After the service was over Sammi's ex wife came over to us and introduced us to their youngest son whom we had never met. His name was Nathan Chase Tannery, we never knew.

They call him Chase.